After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
