Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
