i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
