Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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