I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
