pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
