oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
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