he puts the penis in happiness.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
