Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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