summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
