Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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