i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
