I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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