Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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