you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
