Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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