he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
