I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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