there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
