just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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