just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
