Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
