You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
