Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
