I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
