I think my vagina is haunted
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
