I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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