Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
