I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
3pm strippers are depressing
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
