Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
