I wanna bring you to show and tell
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Your cock deserves a montage
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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