We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
