I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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