some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
