I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
