This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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