I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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