Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize
