I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
