I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
