now i know why i became what i already was.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Text me some of your sweat
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
