So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
