That's intense
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
