just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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