i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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