i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I deserve to be covered in dicks
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
