this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
