this beer tastes like vomit already
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
