yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
