I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
